You Don't Need Approval — You Need Courage
I was scared to publish this. I almost didn't. You Don't Need Approval - You Need Courage
I almost didn't make this video. —> Don't Need Approval
Not because I didn't believe in the message. Not because I lacked the tools or time. But because I was afraid.
Afraid of what you might think.
Afraid you'd think this project is pretentious. Or naive. Or just plain stupid.
Afraid that talking about an old philosophy like Stoicism would come off as self-important. That no one would care. That maybe I was wasting my time making content about ancient ideas in a world that moves a million miles an hour.
But then I stopped and asked myself: What would the Stoics say about this?
They wouldn't tell me to seek validation. They wouldn't advise me to poll the crowd or wait until I was sure people would approve. In fact, they might say something like:
"If you are ever tempted to look for approval, look into the eyes of the dead."
Because the truth is, the dead aren't watching.
And the living? They're too busy worrying about themselves to scrutinize your every move as much as you think they are.
That hit me.
We spend so much of our lives waiting for permission. Waiting to be liked. Waiting to feel "ready" or "good enough" before we act. We hesitate to share our thoughts, pursue our goals, or make changes because we fear how others will react.
But that fear? It's based on an illusion that's costing us our peace of mind and keeping us stuck.
The Stoic Lens: What You Can (and Can't) Control
One of the core teachings of Stoicism is the dichotomy of control—the practice of clearly distinguishing between what is within our power and what is not.
This isn't abstract philosophy. For busy people juggling multiple responsibilities and constant stress, this framework becomes a practical tool for sanity.
Here's what's within your control:
Your preparation and effort in any situation
Your thoughts, interpretations, and judgments about events
Your responses to challenges and setbacks
The relationships you choose to invest in
Your commitment to personal growth and learning
Here's what's outside your control:
How others perceive, judge, or react to your choices
Whether your efforts get the recognition you think they deserve
Other people's decisions that affect your life
Economic conditions, health challenges, or unexpected changes
Whether people like, support, or even notice what you do
Most of our daily stress comes from focusing on things outside our control. We give our mental energy away to situations we can't change. We tie our self-worth to outcomes we can't guarantee and reactions we can't predict.
The Stoics would say that's not just exhausting—it's backwards.
When you're anxious about a difficult conversation, focus on your preparation and intentions, not the other person's potential reaction. When you're stressed about a decision, focus on making the best choice with available information, not trying to control every possible outcome.
This shift doesn't eliminate life's challenges, but it puts you back in control of your mental state and energy.
Why Approval-Seeking Creates Unnecessary Stress
Seeking approval feels natural... until it becomes a trap that adds stress to every decision.
When you need external validation for your choices, your peace of mind becomes dependent on other people's ever-changing opinions. What friends celebrated yesterday might be questioned today. What one person loves, another will inevitably criticize.
And if you let that determine your path, you'll exhaust yourself trying to please everyone while pleasing no one—including yourself.
You'll second-guess good decisions. You'll delay taking action on things that matter to you. You'll play small to avoid criticism, which ironically often draws more criticism.
But here's what I've realized through studying Stoicism:
Approval is a nice bonus. Courage is what actually moves your life forward.
Approval comes from others and changes constantly
Courage comes from within and builds over time
Approval is about being liked
Courage is about being authentic
Approval keeps you waiting for permission
Courage gives you permission to act
Practical Courage for Everyday Life
This isn't about making reckless decisions or ignoring good advice. It's about strategic courage—the kind that reduces stress by putting you back in alignment with your values.
Start building courage in these areas:
Express your authentic thoughts and opinions, even when you're not sure everyone will agree. You don't need unanimous approval to have valid perspectives.
Make decisions based on your values, not just what others expect. Whether it's career moves, relationship choices, or lifestyle changes—your life, your call.
Set boundaries that protect your energy and well-being. Say no to commitments that drain you without adding meaningful value to your life or others'.
Take action on goals that matter to you, even if you don't have all the skills or resources yet. You'll figure it out as you go—that's how growth works.
Have honest conversations when something needs to be addressed. Whether it's with family, friends, or colleagues, clarity reduces stress for everyone involved.
The goal isn't to eliminate all anxiety—it's to stop letting fear of judgment paralyze you when you know what needs to be done.
The 5-Minute Clarity Check
When you're facing a decision and the need for approval is creating stress, try this simple framework:
What would I choose if I trusted my own judgment completely? (This reveals your instinct)
What am I really afraid will happen? (This usually shows the fear is worse than reality)
How will I feel in six months if I don't act on this? (This clarifies what you'll regret)
What would someone I respect advise? (This gives perspective without needing their permission)
What's one small step I can take today? (This gets you moving without overwhelming commitment)
This process cuts through the noise of approval-seeking and connects you back to what actually matters: your values, your growth, and your peace of mind.
The Real Work Starts Here
If you're still reading this, there's probably something in your life where you've been seeking permission instead of taking thoughtful action.
Maybe it's a creative project you've wanted to start. Maybe it's a difficult conversation you've been avoiding. Maybe it's a lifestyle change you've been considering but haven't pursued because you're worried about what others will think.
Let this be your reminder: You don't need anyone's permission to live according to your values.
You're allowed to make choices that others don't understand. You're allowed to prioritize your well-being and growth. You're allowed to be figuring things out while still moving forward.
The Stoics didn't write for applause—they wrote because they believed in living with integrity, clarity, and courage, regardless of external validation.
Your life deserves the same approach.
Your next step: Identify one area where you've been waiting for approval instead of trusting your judgment. This week, choose courage over comfort. Start small, but start.
The stress you've been carrying from indecision and people-pleasing? It begins to lift the moment you choose to act in alignment with who you are.
Not when you feel completely ready. But when you decide to trust yourself anyway.
This is just the beginning. Real transformation happens when you consistently choose authentic action over approval-seeking in the decisions that shape your daily life.