Stop Thinking All or Nothing: The Compassionate Wagon Driver
Why your "failures" are just intermissions, not final curtains
You could no longer resist. You ate the cookie.
You skipped the workout. You scrolled social media instead of writing. You snapped at your kid when you promised yourself you'd be patient today.
And now your brain is telling you the same old story: "You failed. You're weak. You'll never change. Might as well give up."
Bullshit.
The Theater Director Doesn't Cancel the Show
Here's what actually happened: You went off-script. That's it.
When an actor forgets a line, the director doesn't cancel the play. The actor doesn't run off stage in shame. They keep going. They ad-lib. After the show, the director reviews notes and they correct it for next time.
That's all this is.
You broke from your diet to have a cookie? Enjoy the damn cookie. Savor it. Then get back on script. It's not a moral failing—it's an intermission.
The Wagon That Waits
But here's where most people torture themselves: They think falling off the wagon means chasing a speeding locomotive for miles.
"I blew my diet on Tuesday, so now I have to run a marathon of guilt and self-punishment before I'm worthy of trying again."
As Epictetus taught us: these are just thoughts. You get to choose whether to believe them or dismiss them.
You're not chasing anything. The metaphors aren't real.
In my world, when you fall off the wagon, the driver stops and waits for you to get back on. Because my driver is human too—compassionate and forgiving.
Stop beating yourself up when you make mistakes.
The Real System Behind Your "Failures"
So what actually causes these reactions? It comes down to three things I call the Behavioral Triangle:
System • Action • Environment
Environment: The Invisible Architecture
This is the cues, triggers, friction points, and accessibility factors that actually determine what happens. It’s the stimulus before you get to choose the response.
Want to know my secret for stopping video game procrastination? I rented co-office space near my apartment. Every morning, I get up and go to the office. The things that distract me at home—the stimuli that derail me—barely exist there. Everyone's working and productive.
Simple environmental change. Massive behavioral shift.
System: The Framework That Guides You
My system is embarrassingly simple: Wake up before 6am, make bed, go to office. At the office, when I feel distracted, I set a timer and tell myself: "I'm going to focus on this task for 10 minutes. If I still need to eat something or check my phone after that, I'll do it. But just 10 minutes."
Usually, I keep going. The system creates momentum.
Action: The Actual Doing
This is where the rubber meets the road. Planning and researching aren't actions—they're preparation. The action is sitting down and writing. Making the call. Eating the salad instead of reaching for chips.
Your actions are your choice. Even when it feels impossible—especially when it feels impossible—you still get to decide what you do next.
Why Perfect Would Be Boring as Hell
Here's something nobody talks about: If we did everything perfectly, life would lose its flavor.
Without difficulty, we wouldn't appreciate ease. Without setbacks, we wouldn't celebrate progress. Without the things we think are ugly, we wouldn't recognize beauty.
If everything was perfect, we'd probably go searching for imperfection just to feel alive again.
So next time you fall off the wagon, consider it a life lesson. Use what the Stoics call Amor Fati—love your fate.
And here's the kicker: it can actually be funny. The less seriously you take these moments, the less power you give them over you.
You got tempted and ate that cookie? When you catch yourself feeling guilty, give yourself a laugh at the irony. Look at the cookie and say, "You have no power over me." Then move on with your day.
The Guilt Trap
Guilt is often the trigger that makes us give in to temptation again. When you ruminate over guilt, you give it power over you.
The antidote is simple: Acknowledge, forgive, move on.
"Yes, I ate the cookie and broke from my diet. It's okay. I'll remove myself from this situation, forgive myself, and move on with my day."
That's it. That's the whole process.
The Bottom Line
We make mistakes. Get over it. You'll make more mistakes after reading this article, and some more after that. It's just part of life.
Your "failure" isn't a failure—it's data. The question is: what are you going to do with that information?
The wagon driver is waiting. The theater is still running. The script continues.
Time to get back on stage.
#BehavioralSystems #Leadership #Productivity #GrowthMindset #SystemsThinking #ProfessionalDevelopment #Mindset #Resilience #SelfImprovement #WorkLifeBalance
#BehaviorChange #Mindset #Productivity #SelfCompassion #PersonalGrowth #SystemsThinking #Resilience #Stoicism #ADHD #Habits
#mindsetshift #selfcompassion #personalgrowth #behaviorchange #productivity #resilience #systemsthinking #mindfulness #selfimprovement #motivation